Corporate Sector is one place where people love to pass the responsibility.. The great majority are extremely restless and confused lot. Taking a small decision means exchanging hundreds of emails.
Even after all this "process" oriented approach.. There are a handful of people who speak and work to the point, the rest make use of "useless English jargon", to mask their restlessness, high anger/irritation due to ego, jealous and inability to make quick decisions.
Even after all this "process" oriented approach.. There are a handful of people who speak and work to the point, the rest make use of "useless English jargon", to mask their restlessness, high anger/irritation due to ego, jealous and inability to make quick decisions.
Here are some examples, of "funny and sarcastic" but true phrases used by "Managers" all over Corporate world -
1. Out of the box thinking
Meaning: I don't care about your idea, I just want to show how bossy i can be.. so Try again!!
Meaning: I don't care about your idea, I just want to show how bossy i can be.. so Try again!!
2. Leverage
Meaning: You need to be more selfish and manipulative... Rob, steal or borrow but get the work done.
Meaning: You need to be more selfish and manipulative... Rob, steal or borrow but get the work done.
3. I'll Revert back
Meaning: I just want to avoid You and your ideas... You can keep waiting!!
Meaning: I just want to avoid You and your ideas... You can keep waiting!!
4. ASAP
Meaning: My seniors are asking me why isn't work done.. So I have passed the blame on you.. Now Deal with it.!!
Meaning: My seniors are asking me why isn't work done.. So I have passed the blame on you.. Now Deal with it.!!
5. Please do the needful
Meaning: I’ve no idea what/how/when to do, but you do it anyway. And ASAP.
Meaning: I’ve no idea what/how/when to do, but you do it anyway. And ASAP.
6. Lets Touch base soon
Meaning: I have nothing too offer and I just trying to avoid you.
Meaning: I have nothing too offer and I just trying to avoid you.
7. Pro-active
Meaning: You are going to get a lot of extra work, good news you’re not getting paid for it!!
Meaning: You are going to get a lot of extra work, good news you’re not getting paid for it!!
8. I’m low on resources
Meaning: I am having a panic attack thinking I might have too take responsibility! Time to get some new faces and put all the blame on them.
Meaning: I am having a panic attack thinking I might have too take responsibility! Time to get some new faces and put all the blame on them.
9. Bring to the table
Meaning: We both need to get the best of each other, but I will do it by undermining your efforts because I am the Boss!!
Meaning: We both need to get the best of each other, but I will do it by undermining your efforts because I am the Boss!!
10. Keep me in the loop
Meaning: I am scared and insecure personality. Include me in every single email chain and conversation, because I want to feel in control of the situation.
Meaning: I am scared and insecure personality. Include me in every single email chain and conversation, because I want to feel in control of the situation.
11. Core competencies
Meaning: I just want to prove that you’re good at nothing. Hence, this spine-breaking jargon that means nothing. I will keep throwing such words till you don't consider me god!!
Meaning: I just want to prove that you’re good at nothing. Hence, this spine-breaking jargon that means nothing. I will keep throwing such words till you don't consider me god!!
12. Give 110%
Meaning: Prepare yourself boy, i want you too work 26hrs a day.. and still will curse you.
Meaning: Prepare yourself boy, i want you too work 26hrs a day.. and still will curse you.
13. Win-win
Meaning: I will take everything.. you can keep wondering what happened!!
Meaning: I will take everything.. you can keep wondering what happened!!
14. What’s the ballpark number
Meaning: We are just clueless on what we are doing here.. Lets just start with a random number to see how much we can fool ourselves.
Meaning: We are just clueless on what we are doing here.. Lets just start with a random number to see how much we can fool ourselves.
15. Let’s take this offline
Meaning: Polite way of saying - I don't want to hear what your ideas!!
Meaning: Polite way of saying - I don't want to hear what your ideas!!
16. I don’t have the bandwidth
Meaning: I am dumb!!... I am in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing.. but I will put all that blame on you.. why? because I'm the boss remember!!
Meaning: I am dumb!!... I am in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing.. but I will put all that blame on you.. why? because I'm the boss remember!!
17. SWAT analysis
Meaning: I’ve no idea what’s happening, so let me do my mumbo-jumbo.
Meaning: I’ve no idea what’s happening, so let me do my mumbo-jumbo.
18. Better visibility
Meaning: I am insecure about your rise!! I feel you can threaten my job.. I want a detailed analysis of every move you make in office. I want to even know, when you are going to pee!! .. so tomorrow I can manipulate that information to create a negative report about you!!
Meaning: I am insecure about your rise!! I feel you can threaten my job.. I want a detailed analysis of every move you make in office. I want to even know, when you are going to pee!! .. so tomorrow I can manipulate that information to create a negative report about you!!
19. Open door policy
Meaning: I will only have time for you when I want some gossip.. and whatever you tell me.. will be excellent fodder to manipulate you and your colleagues for my own benefit!!
Meaning: I will only have time for you when I want some gossip.. and whatever you tell me.. will be excellent fodder to manipulate you and your colleagues for my own benefit!!
20. Value-add
Meaning: I want to fire you, not because you are bad at your work.. but because I want to feel like the BOSS!!
Meaning: I want to fire you, not because you are bad at your work.. but because I want to feel like the BOSS!!
This is a sarcastic take on the stupidity that goes around in the corporate world.
This is just the TIP OF THE ICE BERG.. with hundred more of such jargon doing the rounds..Sad enough they are true!! and even more worrisome its causing a lot harmful STRESS to people!!
This is just the TIP OF THE ICE BERG.. with hundred more of such jargon doing the rounds..Sad enough they are true!! and even more worrisome its causing a lot harmful STRESS to people!!
GET CLARITY OF MIND.. ELSE STRESS WILL KEEP HAUNTING YOU!!
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